the beast at night.

He's violent in bed.  No, I don't mean sexually -- I mean that at night, while he sleeps, he transforms into a different man, one who is self-serving, demanding, unintentionally violent in a way.  It's hard for me to describe.  But I dislike it very much.

Lately I have been haranguing him about the way he sleeps.  I come home exhausted, wanting to crawl into his arms, but he constantly rebuffs me -- turning his back, moving to the other side of the bed, all of which frustrates me to no end.  My expectations for nighttime sleeping are high; I suppose that this is an after-effect of a marvelous vacation, one where every night for over two weeks we slept inches apart.  I have grown accustomed to falling asleep safely cocooned in his arms.  Perhaps when he was away from home, he needed a piece of home (me) to help ease him into slumber, but now that we are back in the comforts of our own bed, I'm no longer needed.  :(

Whomp, whomp, whomp.

I'm not so much insulted as I am confused.  During the daytime, he is exceptionally loving, exceedingly affectionate, and there is no doubt in my mind that I am wanted, cared for, loved.  But as he sleeps, the beast in him awakens, and I am met with rough shoves, rude protestations, and an unrecognizable coldness.  I wonder how these disparate beings could be one person, but mostly, I wonder how am I to adore this side of him, as well?  And the only plausible solution I have conjured is that I will simply have to try, and he will also try to be who I need, and somewhere down the line, at some point, our mutual efforts will intersect at a harmonious compromise.  

Healthy, happy, functional relationship.  I think I'm still dumbfounded that I'm in one.