There was a point in time when I thought I would always be waiting for him. Not in the literal sense - not in sitting around and pining away - but that a part of me would never fully let him go because he was such an important part of my life. He has shaped me and guided me all these years, from afar, even though I can't tell you what he is currently up to, how he looks, what his life is like, or anything that would suggest that I am still someone he might consider a friend. I have no knowledge of who he is because it has been years upon years since I've seen or spoken to him last.
I've indulged in crazy thoughts, borderline stalker thoughts, of just showing up one day unannounced and saying hi, hey, how are you. But it wasn't the logical side of me that put an end to those fleeting fantasies. Ironically, the romantic part of me realized that such an encounter would be anything but. Because I no longer have anything left to say. Because I've reached out one too many times just to be stonewalled. Because even if he is indeed sitting around silently pining for a resurrection of once we once had - it won't make a difference anymore.
He told me then that it would take him years to get over things. I've always been curious as to whether he has kept his word. And though I will never find out, I genuinely hope he misjudged the poignancy of our dissolution 'cause no one should have to wait, ever, but especially moreso when that something was never meant to be in the first place. It has taken a lot of time and a lot of work, but I now understand that closure doesn't always have to be a two-way street. I only need myself to tie up loose ends and I've allowed this one to dangle listlessly long enough.
Happy birthday, you. Labor day weekend used to always be your weekend, but I'm taking that throne away. Because there's someone new now and I no longer have enough head space to continually give you free room and board. I want new memories. I want something better than what you left behind. And when I get on that plane later on tonight, trust that I will have no intentions of ever wishing you a happy birthday again.
