Often.

Often I find myself looking at Mr. "Quest for Vagina" and I wonder how it is that I’ve ended up with him.  Admittedly, he is an atypical representation of the men I have dated in the past.  He was only supposed to be a friend.  Definitely a fun.  Maybe a fling.  But that should have been the extent of his impact on my life.  Clearly, the best of intentions can easily crumble in the face of fate.  Somewhere in my willingness to be more carefree and tolerant, he was able to capture that fleeting window of opportunity and transform it into something meaningful, lasting. 

Often I find myself remarking on the asymmetry in our relationship.  By now I’ve secured probably more info than I need to know, but not nearly as much as I want to know, about his life and past.  This is in part due to my naturally probative nature and his natural desire to share; yet, he knows little regarding my past.  He has never bothered to ask, and I’ve never felt compelled to voluntarily divulge.  While I can recall names, facts, and figures about his life, and while I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve raised my eyebrows, shaken my head, looked utterly aghast at the ridiculousness of his tales or the outrageousness of his antics - he only has a high-level understanding of where I’ve been.  Regardless, he still knows me better than I’d like to admit.

Often I find myself marveling on his observant nature.  There have been times where the pat of my hand or the stroke of my fingers have been slightly different, contrary to what he is normally accustomed to, and he will hone in on those slight differences until I confess to the causes.  He knows my scent, when I’m moody, when I’m amused, and he is smart enough to know when to nurture my crazy tendencies, my romantic tendencies, and everything in between.  I know that by being with him, I am committing myself to a lifetime of never being able to get away with anything – and I mean nothing – because I'm too awful of a liar and he’s too acutely aware of even the slightest deflection in my tone.  It’s peculiar to know that there’s another human being in this world who truly sees me and can see through me.  Maybe this is a blessing, maybe it’s a curse, I’m not sure, but I’m positive it’s a reality. 

Today is March 1.  This month marks a major change in my life, one that will bring about … who knows?  That’s the beauty in it, I think.  As excited as I am for what is to come, the conservative part of me is grateful that I have him to rely on during this time.  He is my security.  Life has, magically, worked out better than I could have ever planned.  I’ll bet that doesn’t happen too often, and I’m even more grateful that not only do I have the good fortune to experience it, but also the sound sense to appreciate it.  As volatile as the future may be, every day he is becoming more of a constant - my needed balance.